I have to write abt this while is still fresh.

Just caught, Alien vs Monster in 3D, it was quite an adventure..

Sitting there waiting for the show to start, i notice 2 seats to my left was a father and daughter..The little girl was all happy wearing the oversize 3D specs, and munching on the nachos that’s was in her dad’s hand, her body language tells me she excited and has a sense of closeness with her dad..Obviously the dad has taken time off to company his little girl to watch a movie..What a sight that warmth my heart..she must be very loved.

Not suprisingly,is school holidays, the cinema was filled with 3/4 kids.
Kids they have a way of capturing attentions and hearts without the need to TRY too hard. They have their emotions and expression all displayed, they get awe-ed even by the smallest thing. They allow themselves to sink into the very present moment, immersing their entire being to the very current action of happening and having their imaginations go wild, care-freely.

As i put on my 3D specs, i myself was having fun..yet at the back of my mind i know this are the effects of technology. But am i going to let the knowledge and maturity i acquire stop me from enjoying the movie? Or do i let the kid in me out and be awed and find delight in the very current moment? Well if you know me, you know me. =)

Manytimes thru out the show, i find myself not just fascinated by the effects,more so i laugh as i sense when the kids are going to make their response to the scene..At times i felt embarrassed by my own response, but well Thank God it was dark, so (adults beside) cant recognized me and of coz i had to remind myself of righteousness-conscious..
Choosing to enjoy and be free than subdue my excitement trying to keep cool.

Maybe seeing thru the eyes of a kid, might be a way of dying to self, putting down one’s pride and transport one from the mundane , going thru the motions moments to endless discovery and adventures that awaits..

I wont deny there a part we had to be poise and collected, but let it not turn to be a professional facade,esp not with the walk wif Jesus and love ones. And i love to call this “Practicing Delights“

Anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it. - Mark 10:15

Like a child, what isit about them that recieve the Kingdom of God like none others?
Could putting on that 3D specs and seeing the way they view n approach the surrounding be an entry ticket to the kingdom of GOD that one longs for.

I have no doubt the little girl that came wif her dad had a tremendous time as i look out for her while exiting. She has a spring in her step as she leap and give dad a smile. And say “abit dizzy after watching”. Haha. Kids! she has her 3D specs on her specs. How adorable. And i believed her dad is just happy bringing her there and He delights in her delights and joy..

Okie having all said..I have to admit i did all this over lunch today…Oh well.

The Humor of My Lord… :

So what do you think,
that By Worrying(keep thinking) you think you can add one cubit in height to help set yourself apart to be more prominent, more outstanding, more favor, more excellent, more of all that you want?
Selah.
If Not, why worry about the unnecessary?

ELT - Esther Life Translation.. - Luke 12:25

And it happen just in a flash second..hahah i just got to laugh.
Think only myKing can speak to me the way i know i just have to get it.

“Just How Righteous do you believe you are?
Just How Acceptable do you believe you are?
Just How Favored do you believe you are?
How much do you believe about you being MY Delight? “

Righteous.Acceptable.Favored.Delight i believe i am all this to You Lord.
Infact i believed whole-hearted-ly I AM.

“Really?”

Yeah, but that’s all to You Lord…

“But isint To Me all that it matters?” Selah.

Esther, you dont really know exactly how right and pleasing you are to ME, even when you say you know. For if you really know, you wouldnt be looking to Man for approval.

I was corrected when i felt the Lord put this questions in my heart…
i dont think i am close to grasping the fullness of the fact i am really His Delight, His Righteous, His Favorite, and whom He has called acceptable..

For if all this have i grasped, i believe the consciousness of it would enable me to deal with things differently, making me fearless and bold incorporated with meekness.

Unless the Lord, builds her house, Esther labors in vain. - Psalm 127:1
Selah.
Strive. Worry. Unable to perform enough, Self-effort leads to no-where but tires myself out only and the fruit of it is really death.

I thank You Lord, for freeing me..
For walking through this journey, that cost, but I know You and Your heart for me will cause me to prosper much more than before i lost my cutting edge.

Why do you do when you miss your mark? Beat yourself? Or do thank God that RIGHT Now where in the failure of situation is where His Grace really abounds..
Your reactions proves alot on what you honestly really believes deep down in your heart. Selah.

Indeed Where i miss the mark or try to benchmark..Grace much more abounds.

The very area that i cant seem to perform or hit the mark, i know You going to restore..
The very area which i fail I know that where i can call on Grace to come in, For if Grace doesn’t come in, Why should i even try to earn it in the first place.

Is perfect Lord, just like You told me before :“The area of my weakness is actually the area of my strength and the Strength that in Me is not my weakness.” And Amen..

Just How Righteous.Favored.Acceptable.Delight do i believe i am?
I think that takes a daily communion with myKing to remind myself, He really is all that it matters. And actually Lord, all this makes my Journey with you, very interesting, as much as i hate to say so at times, is good. =)

Simple,but i think is powerful.

E…
Extremely.
Exuberantly.
Exaggerating.
Extravagant.
Experience.
Exclusively Esther’s…

Oh how i love it….
The ‘E’s that describes
The way The Love that Lift me Up, The Love that carries me thru every single storm, every single condemnation, every single remark passed, and Yet never fail to end with me sliding down a semi-circled rainbow, smiling from ends to ends..

I love extreme. I myself can tend to be posses abit of this attribute, and i kinda like it. Esp when it comes to You..The one whom i can always bank myself on..Pouring all of me at Your feet..I thank You Lord, for unveiling both my spiritual and natural eyes to experience, to dream, to live and bask in this love like i never had,to hold on to every whisper, every words that soothes and quiet this heart…

Six month ago, You showed me how to sway with You during worship..and i remember just holding on to Your hand and leaning against Your chest to hear Your Heartbeat..and Nobody can ever rest my heart like You do myKing..

Daddy,this time round, our swaying movement has changed..You lift me up closer to You, no longer i am trying to keep up with Your steps, No longer i am hanging on to You for support..I am done trying to keep up with Your steps….

Instead i threw my whole being, whole weight upon You..my small feet stepping upon Your big Masculine feet..left hand still in your right, my right hand hook around your shoulder as putting my entire weight on you knowing your shoulder has the strength to bear all of Me….together we sway as ONE.

Silly laughters. That secretive smiles on hearing You. My refusal to let my feet step down from Yours..I am not going to come down,till You put my feet on the ground again. I love trying out new things with YOU.

With You, in that intimate hallway where it belongs to Us, I can be vulnerable, I can be myself, and laugh at all my clumsiness, my foolishness, knowing myKing, You too laugh together with me at my silliness, and Yet You still sing over me and dance over me and cover me with grace.
Your Mercy so free, keep giving to me, oh How i love this place.. =)

I yearn to take our intimacy to higher level..myKing, keep me fascinated by Your beauty and Love for Me as You continue unveiling the perfection of Your affection towards me.

Be it in the cotton-candy filled sky, the glitters that shines in the dark, in the hallway of intimacy, when we just having fun building, or when my spirit leaps at the sound of your word,

MyKing only You know how to break down my walled up defenses and exudes warm teardrops of thankfulness that end up watering this garden once again and make ready the soil for Your sowing…

And that’s beautiful Lord.
Because You had promised me, I am excited to see You take it to past again..
Yes, a new expedition once again..and i am THRILLED!

He’s the reason for the teardrops rolling on my face.
The only thing that keeps me awe as i look upon the stars.
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, Don’t know how I’m able to.
[TearDropsOnMyGuitar - lyrics changed. ha]

And so, i ended work late today..Step out of the office, having a nostalgic feeling..
Scenes flash thru my mind of how me and this peer colleague used to work late together. Enjoying ourselves, that sense of sweet satisfaction seeing our “baby” launching..
Those were e days..

It had been at least more than half year since i work late(which compared to past is just normal).

Oh well, so i was prepared to take a cab back, cause is Monday and i wanna rest..but end up taking train, due to long cab queue..As again, the journey with my Lord started like a conversation.

It started with a Lord, sometimes i dont think i am secured enough.
Because when i am with You, i know You loved me and you enjoy being with me and i bring pleasure to ur heart.. but Lord, why isit that sense of security and boldness doesn’t come forth when i am with plp..

It could be i feel like i got to perform, or live up to standards and benchmarks..
But have i forgotten that in the first place is not about my performance, my ability, or even my faithfulness that got me where i am in the first place be it at work, ministry or wherever.

Cause if i think i am good, there will be someone MORE capable than me, if i think i am faithful, there will be someone even more faithful and available than me..All this are so shakeable..

Is really Purely Your favor that pours out on me, Your heart of mercy and hand of grace that position me where i am, to have such favor and plp looking past my flaws and mistakes and still think i am good for it..

What this Lord!?

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and He delight in his way and busy Himself in his every step. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD support and uphold him with His hand. - Psalm 37:23-24

Indeed, whom You called, You support and You delight in the fact that You ordered me to be where i am..And even when i fall, I shant be cast down, because You uphold me with Your hand.

Looking in that black reflection against the glass panels, my heart was warmth by His goodness His loving Kindness, that I am His beloved.

Yet still, i asked Him,
Lord, How do i have this righteousness consciousness that i have with You when it comes to man? How do i not be afraid to take about how i appear?

“Make much of God, and God will make much of You.”

i hear it almost immediately in my spirit, there was just such surety and comfortness.
I knew that Lord! i knew it all along! Yet still i doubt i have grasp the fullness of it, the fact that really since i am acceptable and pleasing before the One that really matters, there shall be no fear of man and their perceptive towards me. Selah.

Because He who delights in me, sing over me has already ordered His way in my Life, thus i do not have to be conscious about whether i go the extra mile, hit the deadline, share eloquently, up to the benchmark or not…rather really just receive the grace and mercy that being poured out upon me and continue make much of Him, for isit that what works and has come to past in the first placed. =)

I dunno how, but my Lord, really knows when the best time, best setting to just speak with me..
Who is like thee, there only One of You, and One of Me . Thank U Lord!

Right now you and I are standing on this giant ball that spins at a thousand miles and hour,
and we just goes Hey this is just another day?

The magnificent , awe-ness and intensity of this creator God….

I loveeeee….
how i always “accidentally chance” upon the tings i love.
how it arrest and speak to me the way i like it…
this crazy love..

The most powerful being in the world, has the kindness heart, and He Is crazy over me!!?
And This God of the Universe, wants a relationship with me?
Is unfathomable. =)

Knowing Him, makes trusting Him effortless.

It has been suppress for a while..guess i never be able to total finish experience the fullness of it..So much i been thru this entire past month..and i choose to believe i have grown yet again becoz of it.

Looking back, i can say whatever came was a setup to propel me to see goes back to my Father’s heart towards me even more..to that love that brought me to where i am, up to who i am, and is this love and heart towards me alone that keeps me..

Oh well, that aside! And So……

I recently did my OWD(Open Water) yes! I finally did it!!!

All along i been wanting to do it and yes i praise the Lord, somehow i got clearance from my dad who loves me yet cant stand his daughter constant persistent persuading..and once the captain say Yes, haha the co-pilot(mum) cant say no..LOL. Evil i know..but oh well.

It was harder than i expected! And all along, i tot i can conquer it kinda effortlessly.
For one…
I know i’ll enjoy it,
i got the courage to do it,
i love to adventure, and
i luf thrills that nature install..
see so much of I, and when I put my trust in my own flesh, I fail myself.. my very flesh fails me and I ended up, having sea-sick, which never happen before in my entire life..which got me reminded during pre-departure i still proudly told my Lord, doubt i need the sea-sick pills..

So, what happen was there was 2 dive trips scheduled after lunch, and on the way out to sea..I started feeling i nausea, and i tried to controlled, but what has to come out will has to come out..so i ended up puking which makes me slightly better, and follow by a dive. Once i am in the water and Kneeling on the seabed was better than being on the boat..But the moment we were traveling to next site, the nausea came back again, and the process repeated all over.
so is Puke.Dive.Puke.Dive. Is kinda hate.love feeling.

Remember how i was whining can we stay down here(in the sea) or under the waters. There was this one part where the sea waters was so choppy when we were waiting for the boats to pick us up, i literally was tossed here and there in the waves, while buddy Winnie has to hold on to me..thank God for her, she really has been really loving towards the helpless me. =) See, whatever i learnt in confined waters was put in good use. “Towing a tired diver” - i tot i wont get to use that at all in reality coz it be too fun, yet once again, over-confidence in self..

My First jump into the sea (before lunch, before the nausea kick in), there was a moment of hesitant..
All geared up, and carrying that heavy gas tank, i was standing at the edge of the boat, just waiting to take my first jump out, but i fear!!! I dunno what’s under there in stall for me..I seriously felt my heart grasp with fear and hesitated..Somehow i plunge in, not too sure if my instructor give me a push at my back not, but i was in..and it felt so Free and Weightless! So i enjoyed..till when i had to come out of water, i struggled again with the weight that i got to carry on my back..

During the after lunch trip for the 2nd dive where i really cant take it anymore, even after all the puking i still am still super nausea, thus once the boat stopped, all ready geared, i keep asking, can i jump now, can i jump now, i just wanna get into the sea, coz i know in there i feel better compare to all the shaking on the boat..and so i jumped, kinda too fast..

What really caught me was, after that jump, as i was just floating in the calm sea, my Lord pointed out the difference..

Many a times, carrying so much weight on one’s shoulders..

We’re Afraid to plunge in to the unknown, cause we know not what is install for us.
Afraid to let things go, afraid to take tis adventure and journey with this Creator God that we heard abt or that we know..that we be just satisfied living, pulling thru just like the people of the world, but hesitant to open up to the opportunities that’s offered and make available right before us.

But that one plunge, into the sea of His love(unable to comprehend the length,breadth,depth), can change my well-being and Free me..
Free me from the weights and burden that i have to carry for myself..
Free me to explore, the wonders of His love and just allow Him to carry me in His flow..
Turning those weights and burdens i carry into a tool that becomes useful for my adventure and expedition with my Lord..

Yes in the vastness of the sea of His love, He freed me from the weights n burdens(steel gas tank n gears), those weights becomes weightless when immense in Him and using these to propel me goes on an endless adventures in search of what His hearts has installed for me…

And once you tasted the goodness it does, the next time, when the weight of the world is too much to bear and you’r just helpless, you know exactly where you wanna plunge into..and cant wait to dive into it..because you know only in that sea of His Love, can you be make Free and Whole..yes wholeness to my body..

Be it in the air, on the land , under the sea, i take comfort and pleasure in the fact that, you are right there with me, no matter where. =)

Elohim, You who are limitless, let me not limit You.

And Yes, despite all the what has to come out has to come out, and almost giving up, I am so looking forward to the next plunge!
Which of course in order to plunge, i need another round of clearance.. and i say Amen!

Inconvenience..I dislike.Changes that brings forth inconvenience..the more i detest..

I used to think i handle changes well..But well, seems like if the changes goes in the direction which i desire or would be beneficial to me, even thou it might have contain some inconvenience, ONLY Then will i succumb to it..
However, if i see no need or added benefits to it..chances are i struggle in btw having to do it for the sake of doing it and not with a heart full of LIFE and excitement..

As usual when met with such circumstances, i had no choice but to pour out before my Lord..giving Him all sorts of way of escape if i can..But yet in my hearts of heart, i know i just dont wanna do it cause I DONT FEEL LIKE IT. Is as simple as that honestly, and i start to weigh if i do it out not a cheerful spirit, it could simply just as good as is for eye-service..

Yet my Elohim, He knows the way i am fashioned..He knows nothing can changed me and speak my langauge like the way He is able..It only can take that sweet comforter to coax me into doing it..and even still, as of now i still dont feel like it..but i figured that He who has the ability to make me give in to Him logically and with the words He spoken that warmth my heart, how can i resist?

Maybe i could resist, but that resistance may brings me a greater pain in the long run..one that condemn me even further.

“What If is not about you giving or having to Pour out..What if you see this as an opportunity that i am setting you up for MY blessing for you to receive..Rather than having a mindset of responsibility(which in the first place is self placed) and thinking is going drain you..
How would you have react to this matter and see to it?

I have nothing to say..Yes i whine.I argued on how i can take the opportunity to do other stuff that i have at times given less priority, and how it can be a perfect opportunity to make up for it..

But if You Lord, deters that i see this as a set up for Your blessing and Your good for me..
What can i say? If i know that i am going receive something good? Would i turn it down?
Would i drag my feet, yes maybe in the beginning, but surly the draggy-ness wouldnt stay for long.. I would think, if i know is going to be a setup for my good, i will have a heart of JOYFUL expectancy..

Whatever isit, it seems like, i ended up making an agreement with Him..
An agreement that i know Only He can meet..Only He will come true for me.
Purely cause Lord You arrested me in the way, i know i had to get past the “i dont feel like it” stage, and placing my demands on You, to see it as a set up for Your pour out upon me.

The Freshness of impartation of that Love.
That familiar love
that i once tasted,
that keep me yearning for more,
that make me unable to comprehend the way you are FOR me,
that intimacy of being one, twine with You and feeling your spirit right in the core of my heart.
Yes, i miss being drunk in that loving kindness of Yours..that sweetness of You.

It know and i have tasted Your love for me. But to tasted it as Fresh once again, Lord it feels like nothing else matters anymore.

Thru out the whole week, You zoom in to magnified your loved for me, cause you know i needed it, i needed the basis, the core to remind me of how all else doesnt matter..condemnation, my performance of being good enough has no place compare to the way YOU Values Me..

Yes You Value me, Call me Your Own and Your heart is Out to do me good.

In that moment of worship, everything else just fades away…everything else just break..as i whisper those words of intimacy to You, i know Lord, You received it and You delight in me.

Words that i call my language and words spoken to You in YOUR Language, thou unable to interpret yet by the way we exchanged those words, i know how You take pleasure in me speaking to You in that gesture, that tone in Your Own Language..there was such warmth and assurance that You loved it. =)

“In Your Presence, I Breathe What You Breathe.
I inhale what is of You.
How can i be in Your Presence, in such intimacy and not be One and be like You.”

I remember whispering that, and it totally make me smilez and realized how twine we are just having shared that very same breath with You. Yes Just You and Me Lord. To make light of that is Not seeing the blessedness and the privilege of where and who i am with.

In that breath that we shared whatever that is In You have been passed on to me, right into this holy temple of Yours..

Psalm 132:13-18 comes alive, just the way You have make it known to me:

“For the Lord has chosen Esther,
He has desired her for His dwelling place.
“This is My resting place forever; Here I will dwell, for I have SO desired it.
I will abundantly bless her provision;
I will satisfy her poor in spirit with the bread of life.
I will clothed her with righteousness and salvation and her saints shall shout aloud for joy.
I will enlarge her with My power and strength and cause the lamp of prosperity to shine for mine anointed.
Her enemies will I clothe with shame but upon the promise of the Lord shall her crown flourish.”

Is outrageous, the way You love, the way You restlessly pursue..Selah

How You call me Your beloved and Your desires is towards me.
That Lord, knowing You Desire to do me good, that Your heart is FOR ME, the way You lift your voice to sing and dance over me, and quiet me in Your Love…Only You can Lord, makes me feel so special in my very own Esther way..
Thank You Lord that for invading me once again and pouring out anew.
Song 7:10, Zeph 3:17, Jer 32:40-41

How true it is,
Shame kills intimacy, The soul that still in some way hiding cannot enjoy the fullness of knowing what characterize the love between God and Us. How can love be complete without the freedom to be transparent and unashamed? More than unashamed, we shall be celebrated.
- The Sacred Romance.

The Sacred Romance, Crazy Loved, whatever our human ability can come up with a term, is just a way to reflect a characteristic of You, my Lord.

Mo once told me, i paint a God who is very romantic.
I for sure know in the natural i am not the least bit like that..The only reason it can appear this way, is simply cause You came for me in this manner, always arresting me back into that incomprehensible love of Yours.

Your love for me has really given me such strength on the inside, that it propels me to stand firm and hold fast to Your word, knowing that even if i dont live up to men’s expectation is alright, coz it doesnt change the fact
“I am acceptable, pleasing and You take delight in ME.”

Your love, is something i can never stop talking about..
and i pray i never come to a point where i could say i have totally relish every drop of it and had it had become too bland for me…

As again, it was one of those moments in office, where i am struggling to keep awake during late noon..And yet i chance upon stuff that interest me. It got me reminded how blessed i actually am, to be able to even sit here to surf. Right there at the other end of the world, people are facing all sorta of issues..

I started to wonder in my semi-awake stage, how they would the immediate family would have felt, raising a kid up for 10 over years and in an instant, just gone because of a tragedy as such….

For if my Lord has not keep me and commanded His Protection over me by His blood, what could befall upon each of us, and where would we have been?

Many a times, things ard can be so natural, that I have forgotten, there a divine shield that goes before me to prepare my way and covered Me and My entire household, without me even conscious of it…Selah.

Thank You Lord, for much which i dunno of, and let me not laments on the unnecessary.

Lord, You always surprise me in my least unexpected moments.
Do you know How clear the stars are 4am in the morning?
As i was closing the windows, the glitters in the dark just caught me as again..The sky was just clear and high..

An hour ago, when i just got home i was still telling the Lord, how it seem like tonight thou the clouds are pack, but the sky looks extremely high. And now, just when i am about to get ready for some rest, I see the sky CLEARED and the stars shimmers so clear and bright, and i am not talking abt just a few, but quite a number!

It was as if Lord again, You know i needed it, I definitely Need to spend some quiet moments of worship with You..
As i stood by my window pane, i felt my heart beat. Yes that familiar, similar heartbeat, which responded in awe of His goodness and greatness..

So much processing needed done in my mind..No that’s not it, is not the processing of information that i need, rather i need the Discernment and the Wisdom of You Lord…When light is shed, at times it might hurt the eye, cause is too glaring and strong..But ultimately it will only be for MY good.

I really pray i catch the heart of it..and help me Lord to once again, die to myself. =)
Yes, and i am too sleepy to continue blogging..Gist of it, is i really need to catch and believe in the heart of the person…So Lord, no matter how, You who flung the stars in the universe , see beyond just me, myself and my own and is able to teach me to do the right thing at the right time. =) Amen

Everyone was clapping, in that moment..i just cant help but put my hand on my heart for a moment of stillness in the midst of the applauds ard. Suddenly it dawn upon me, as i felt my heartbeats loud and almost jumping out…

Why is my heart beating so extremely fast, it had always been like that during worship i recalled.

Just that it didnt caught me till tt very moment..
Is a familar heartbeat, one that felt similarly fast when i happen to be ard someone “dangerous.” There and there unable to comprehend, i ask the Lord:
“how come Lord, i am beating this way, when my heart is filled with thanksgiving and overwhelming towards and from You..”

Immediately I hear Him say:

“This exact heartbeat that appear to be beating fast when you see that particular someone..
Is actually meant to be beating for Me..a responsive beat that is in awe of Me.”

I just had to smile..What can i say Lord..
All this while, this feeling that i had when i see who i deem is dangerous, is supposedly to be for You first?! And it seem like i have let the natural overtake what is rightful belonging to myKing, the one who truly i belong to.

It amazed me with the simple fact that:
“The very heart that seem to flutter and beat for the gal/guy that you have taken interested, is actually meant for the exact same reason but a different object of interest and desire which is The Lord Himself…Who has also by His very breath given You that heartbeat..

It was just so beautiful to me.
And is beautiful Cause He knows what is beautiful to me and can melt this heart of mine.
And i also remember, a spirit of stability, that what He put in my Heart during worship.

As if yesterday wasnt enuff..This morning i step out of home, while walking towards e shuttle and just humming under my breath(by now i doubt is soft anymore)…I was greeted by a morning sky that made me so loved by myking..cause it was the very moment i lift up my head, i kinda saw a heart shaped in the cloud..Maybe is just for me to see..
This wasnt as clear as the previous time. But i believe is tailored just for me. =)

I honestly believe daddyGod will arrest me the way, He knows how to get me, the way he will open my heart.ears.eyes to see His manifested glory, The way He knows will make an impact on my heart..

Exactly the way Esther loves it..And that matters all in the world To Him and To Her.

Seldom i woke up having a song in my heart..Often it comes as the day start moving. But this morning, as i was preparing to go to work and thinking about the previous night. How i had to sleep early. How i start to logicalize my thinking determining what is right what is wrong…figuring out the Life within. I gave up thinking. =)

So…Morning came fresher than usual.
1hour of earlier to bed does make much a diff i realize…
While just pondering over last night. This sentence just rose from within:

I have made You too small in my eyes. Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie, That You are unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song. Oh Lord, be magnified

Be magnified, Oh Lord. You are highly exalted.
And there is nothing You can’t do.
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You Be magnified, Oh Lord, be magnified

Again,i have been making You too small in my eyes.. and not magnifying you Lord..
Thou i know you are able to, but not too sure if You going to…
Have i forgotten who You are again to me Lord?

Oh Lord, my eyes are on You. That Lord, be magnified..in my very NOW.

Looking into the black reflections, tots running thru her mind as she try to make senses out of each…she wast suppose to be standing up, however nobody ard seems to care..so she offered, never did she know that it was yet another set up from her King to arrest her.

Passion consumed her inner being as she mumble those words under her breath..
“Ever lasting, Your Light Will Shine When ALL ELSE FADES…”
She wonders where has all those flaming passion in her gone to yet somehow she knew deep underneath there still lay that spark..

Memories of those sunday where this song was never a miss flashes past as she sang it under her breath..
those times where church was mundane and she wish she was back in sg..
times where knew she got to live for things bigger than herself..
times where her heart was set to just bring Him glory..
times where she has no knowledge of having to dither if things is self-effort or not..

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
It hit her..is His will above hers.
The art of losing myself in bringing You Praise.
In that very moment, she look ard her and was being reminded of a conversation she had with her Lord before..:
That, could it be, even when zoom into her daily lifes, even if nothing exciting is happening at work and where work is just work..Yet work is just but a tool for Him to draw her near..that even in this 45mins of traveling, is a set up so that all she had was her pod and leaving all that has being occupying her…

She knew all along, she cant live in yesterday’s encounter or yesterday’s victorious battle..She needed her saving Lord to once again come in Real for her TODAY in this new battle alone..Thou indeed thoses are history of His faithfulness towards her and proof of She and Him can conquer anything that comes her way..

Under her breath she mumble with her being…
“My heart and My soul, i give you control..consume me from the inside out.”
When prayers cant be put to words anymore, she take comfort that every groan and sighs are still heard by her Lord..yes every time she whined: “Lord..”
Thou it seems so doesn’t make a difference, yet Acts 2:21 was at the back of my head..
remembering how in the inner chambers, there no need for request or petitions anymore, but herKing Himself know her request before she even asked.

Hearing her cry, her voice, the way she call upon Him, He knows it full well.
She finds herself wanting to be found at His feet in worship again..
where noting but He Himself will consume her..

Once again, She got reminded abt words spoken over her life on How last year was one full year of preparation before her King, and so coincidentally, this year has being make known as the acceptable year of the Lord.

Acceptable and He takes Delight in her..that her soulz knows very well..
Yet in times as such.. Help to anchor her in You Lord.

“Your Light Will Shine When ALL ELSE FADES…”
Yes when all else Fades…

-and for the first time.She decided to share from an xternal view. =)

Lets see, i need to talk..yet there arent much to share..Haven been diligently journaling my tots and feeling in my Psalm since the year started..Flipping back, brought back such sweet memories and seeing His hand always Faithful steering me, yet while in it itself, it was moments of running to myKing for His hand, for His heart to move for Me..

Oh Well…Is sat, and i kinda love the fact i am just here, doing what i am doing right now..Solitude.

-Interrupted-

In the midst of doing tis…i end up talking to xiaomei over the phone for at least an hr plus..
And the flow kinda break.Is this what we call the writer’s block? Oh well, i wanted to talk abt my week, and stuff..But guess the interrupt came in at good time, and is just not impt to track it down. =) Oh well So status-quo.

While on the line, i was just staring at the clear sky…yet how the shiny sparkles just seems to shimmers in a sparkling way…some kids float thru my mind..i miss them..and i almost forgot the promising night SPARKLING sky that daddyGod showed me..Soon Feb will be over..and yes i be going for a SHORT trip soon..Kinda funny how we have all proceeeded with our own individual calling after 1 yr of sisterhood..this year is really kinda different from previous. and i know in the blink of an eye, we be in mid-yr again..

Lord, teach me to always, cherish the NOW moments.
So i wont look back and hope i did not cheris the NOW moments…Yes in every steps even when i know i will reach destination, eve when i know this is temporary..Still Cherish the NOW.

This wasnt the song i intended to end off..but after ending the call..
This song just came to my mind n the line got stuck in my head:
“You and I both Know” - which later i found out is not know, is loved. =)

Mistake, but still beautiful, cause as i sing it still, i see another whole new meainng:

“Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen
Oh, things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, taking your advice and I’m looking on the bright side

Cuz you and I both loved, what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now“ - [You and I/ Jason-Mraz]

But well, i am not going interpret it this time round….
soo..Shalom for the day..hahah

i have always luf the way :
the Green meet with the blue..
the Blue covers with white..
the White turning into pink..
the Pink fading to black..
the Black shimmers with glitters..

Nature…it always caught me in a way, that i dunno how to describe..
It was as if, SomeOne painted it just for Me..The way Esther like it..

Didnt really had an agenda, not knowing what to expect,
but just knew that i neeeded to be there somehow..
Moment of stillness, where i just am cut away from technology which suppose to aids more than it distracts….

Is funny how everytime, feels different …
As i ran thru the times that i was just here with YOU:

Times where…i dunno what to do
Times where…i needed You to intervene and invade it Lord.
Times where…i needed to pour it upon Your feet.
Times where…i need No agenda for Worship.
Times where…i just simply miss You..Your tangible Presence.
Times where…i am just grateful and consumed by Your Loving-Kindness.
Times where…i had to tithe my being to You..Just You and You alone.
Times where…You Whisper.Comforts.Write those words in my heart.
Times where…You promise to make this Journey ever Fresh with Me.
Times where…You turn things around.
Times where…I am once again found back at Your feet.

Is kinda nostalgic, yet not entirely…..Is just Precious.
All these were times, You have set it up for me, even before i knew it.

Lord, You asked me the other day If I Dare take on This new Journey with You?
All i could do was smile and said “Sign me Up Lord.“
Without even knowing what i have sign up for….But i know with who i have sign up with…
The uncertainties yet thrills me once again, knowing it whatever that is going to come,
can only be approved.accepted from You to me..
set up with Jesus filled Surprises pack with Your Favor.Mercy.Grace.Loving-Kindness

I honestly dunno how it is going turn out..and how things are going unfolds and manifest…
But i know Lord, it will and it can only come to pass again..
Thru out, I have learnt i do not need to know the multiple base camps stops, or try to chart my own route..Yet somehow i am assured SURELY i will reach destination “Esther’s.Needed.To.Be.Point”

Once again, unable to comprehend..“Why You have Chosen Me?”

Felt that God, i dont think i am the most loving lover or a great lover compare to lotsa of people out there who loves you, loves your word, loves your people..Surely i have fall short in lotsa ways compare to lotsa…
Yet You have chosen me Still..

I take comfort that, when it comes to me and You, and it can only Be Me and You.

You dont need me to be the perfect passionate lover..
and it had never depends on my love towards You at all..
It has always been You pursing and arresting me back into that chamber of intimacy in the first place..”

Yes Lord, You chosen Me..and make me YOURS..
Who am i Lord, to deserve such persistence, never-giving up, always believing in me..
believing i can soar to where You called me to be..

I can only ask Lord,
make it ever-fresh..ever-new..ever-exciting for Me…

To take pleasure at where i am.

Sometimes the things i whine to the Lord about are so of no importance. Yet is thru such stuff that cause me to have somethings to say and having me go in rounds at times..Again as i was on my way back, i was trapped in the, how i wish i was back in melb again.

Maybe is the way the world ard me behaves, that sometimes wish if everyone plays their part..this will be a better place to live in..dont get me wrong, i love it here..
However in my fast pace society, where everyone is fighting and pushing for their way,is natural that you tend to witness lotsa ugliness in mankind.

The way people push their way in to the train, the way everyone is caught up and rushing, the way how humidity makes the air not as fresh and it irritates me (well i guess till a certain extend i am still quite spoilt). Gosh if i wanna continue rambling, is never ending…and sometimes i just wanna avoid witnessing all these and be happy in my own world..

But you see, THIS is the real world. This is about people…people who are not perfect and i find it hard to love.

Incident 1:
“Sometimes all i need to do is just open this golden mouth of mine.

I am very blessed, most of the times i dont get to squeeze with plp in the lift during morning, rather i always having the whole lift by myself…and as i just wait for everyone to jam pack the first lift that arrived, by the time that door close, right in front where i am waiting, another lift door will open Just for Me, and I thank You Lord that You love me lotsa to allow me to have a moment with You usually before the start of day,esp when at times i just need to burst my LIFE out loud and it take me straight to the my floor rather than stopping at every level

This morning as i was waiting for lift, a colleague came by..Me on my pod and being myself, just give a cold nod and continue being in my own world and honestly i dont really talk to him cause firstly i have my own opinion toward him already and i just dont feel like talking to him..By the time i went in the lift, out of no where in a super cold tone, i just say “so nice to eat?” caused he was eating a bread..and he answered “yeah is convenient breakfast.”

So okie at least i did my part, so now Lord, i not that “COLD and having thick barriers okie…” and then continue going back to my own world in my pod..thinking i could slip..
Next,
he asked: “So you going anywhere for CNY?”
Me:”Ya to MY.” as if like a matter of fact and just want to end the conversation.

Then something in me ask me to ask him if he going anywhere, and i struggled cause i honestly dont feel like toking..but the i felt bad and the look on his face seem like he was waiting for me to ask him back so either way “i blurt then you le, going anywhere?”

He say yeah and there and there he told me how is going TH. and abit about his life and for the first time my tone towards him changed and start to take an interest and really ask a few more question…
By the time i step out of the lift, i felt abit of love for that person and it really doesnt matter how he use his own ways to climb the so call “his own rat race”..rather it maybe it shows me insight…and once i reach office and had on my msn..i unblock him (yes i block him, coz after all we dont talk, so i dont see there a need for a point of contact)

While eating breakfast on my desk, i just thank God for the insight and at the same time amazed by How He could use that few short sentences of conversation to change my opinion and give him a chance..i am yet again HUMBLED..

Incident 2:
Last week, while waiting outside the foodcourt for my friend, i was peering over the escalator…and i had a perfect view of all 3 levels as i see crowds streaming up and down..It was like a bird’s eye view, or shld i say Jesus’ eye view…People all sorts of style, size, color..

Just stupidly ask Lord,
“Lord, why do you make people?” It was pretty lame, but i know i told Him..
“Honestly Lord, is not a natural thing for me to love people..I think at times is so much easier for me to withdraw to by myself and not care about plp..But i guess You really have love people alot, that why you didnt make us robotic and give us Free choices..and yet come pursing for us.”

And that is when He whispered : “You cant love people, without seeing them thru MY eyes, without seeing them How the way I see them…”
without Him, i honestly cant.

Cause sometimes we talk about loving plp so much that it seem as if it comes forth naturally or is part of us.

Truth to be known, we who is flesh n blood is not our nature and yet Thank God we are taught to walk in the spirit and not the flesh (Galatians 5:16 - ) and this walking in the spirit has alot of getting past myself..alot of yielding to Him and honestly seeing thru His eyes.

I love it when daddy elevate me up to see the entire picture thru His eyes and teaching me His heart…I just got to smile and give it to Him, thou i was almost wanna slaughter the person who make me waited for more than 10 mins outside the foodcourt, i know it was a moment of well spend time.

As i was pondering over this entire episode about mankind while waiting for my shuttle this evening, i saw a dad carrying his little girl…her eyes was just sparkling and what a beautiful scene it was..reminds me of the kids i during mTrip..The very moment when i was thinking about the ugliness of mankind, yet such sweetness i find in the girl..that it totally melted my heart..and Felt His Love towards them, no wonder He cant turn them away..(Mark 10:37)

Wondering Lord, How i wish such innocent such simplicity can be preserve till they grow up…

Is easier (not entire easy thou) to love people when you are in ministry setting, where everyone receive grace teaching and has so much favor..but down to the everyday life, i cannot not admit the ugliness of mankind makes me struggle..

Yet also i thank you Lord that i am struggling, for if i dont, again, i might be full of myself again…and not having to depend on You..
Love is the fruit of the spirit and yes it is already in Me, but let me not deem it as something that “I BEAR” butif there any reason why i can bear is Lord You cause the fruit to bear, and even at times i fail and i judge, is alright, i dont have to beat myself up cause in the first place, is not I who produce…

The only remedy is…

Lord, help me see thru Your eyes..and allow Him to do a supernatural work…
Cause Esther herself, Really cant produce no matter how she try..Lord cause my eyes to see the way You do and Enlarge me even more…pass all ugliness of mankind , our differences, my inconvenience and mainly pass my-self-full self.

Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while
There’s no such thing as perfect people
There’s no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart.Be amazed.Be changed by a Perfect God - [Natalie Grant/Perfect People.]