Finally, Finish packing what i think i needed for the trip…
Somehow still feel like i’m missing lotsa stuff..
Oh well arent doing much checking or planning thou..

My First MissionTrip ever, wonder what isit going be like? As again, i’m kinda emotionless, not Overly excited, yet knowing things will turn out well..rather am feeling a little more scared than normal…Oh well this are just feelingsssss…

Thank You Lord, Is the end of my 2 weeks of Consecration that You challenged me..
The One that You make Life out of my Mundaneness(tt another overdue post).. It has been interesting.
How You say is going be easy cause when You challenge me, You will provide the anointing, and How i HAD to ask for a double portion of anointing in the midst of it…

The Past Week felt my heart / body been working in OD (OverDrive) Mode..
Feeling the Urge to wanna complete things FAST and feeling my heart clutches at times, just to get things done…And I know i got to REST and stop trying to manage to and figure everything by my own strength..Yet it seems so hard…

Love the way You REST me in Worship nowdays..The picture You paint me, How beautiful…
How you Make me sway with You and How i told You to take my entire mind, so i will stop reasoning or goes by my logical thinking of how things should be work out..
But Lord just carry Me as I Sway with You and lean against Your chest to hear Your Heartbeat…Daddy Only You Can Rest My heart the way it shld..

No coincidence, this entire week, Sermons after Sermons, what was played to me was, Peace, Stillness and Resting…Lord, again You had it all planned it out for me. =) And i know You just want me to Rest In Your finished work..Am just so convinced by that now..

Noting i do can make me qualify for Your goodness nor gain additional but Really Just letting You carry me thru..

Cause Lord, this heart knows very well, that
“Esther can Recieve NOTHING, UNLESS it is bestow unto to her by You Lord..”

Again, You make things so ever fresh for me. It was nothing like we ever really had, Just knew it was a night of stillness and allowing You to quiet me down on the inside...That i cant believe i really played still-water all the way, and really took off my anointed pod to just have moment of stillness with just Me and voice…till You speaking thru me, oh How i Love moments as such…It was so so different, yet so so sweet and so so New and Fresh..

My King, Once again You’d Surprised me by the way You shower Your loving-kindness on Me…Indeed You know the best way and not me confining you to a certain route to take…Who can grasp Such infinite wisdom, Esther cant..But i know Lord, You are holding on to me, and all i NEED to do, is STAND in awe of by You. =)

Lord, open my eyes to see thru Your eyes, laugh when You Laugh, cry when You cry. That my heartbeat as one wif You. Place in me God-Agenda..To move with You and not by Myself..

Abba i commit this one week into Your hands, To Use me as Your steward and and Enlarge this spirit and heart of mine..A learning and hearing heart always Lord..Never comparing one with another, for Elohim, YOUR Blessing is not dependent on Me at all, but Is according to Your richness YOUR Heart Towards ME…

Lord!!! Jesus-Favor upon Me….Just as He is So am I!
Thank You Lord..I know is going be heart-transforming… =)
And i wonder how You Lord, is going bring things to pass again.
We shall See to it…Show Me Lord. Show me What it means…

Esther, a heart enlargement is coming Your way! Amen!
Be prepared to Receive, for it is going to be so undeserving

Alrightz Next Base Camp Soonz…

I can smilez cause I know is going be Good and Hey! that a trait of a woman of Strength. =) and that’s Me! Amen!

**Sidetrack:
For first time in a long while i was listening radio…just brighten me up as i was packing!
How it caught me, with the words
[wonderful journey, crazy adventure] and how i was just thanking Him before tt for allowing us to take our individual journey! Coolies! I Love it =) and I say
“Lord, tt’s it! is going be our song!”

When I lost hope, You were there to remind me
This is the start.Wonderful journey. - In the Beginning.

And this is Part of the silly stuff i do at work that keeps me Sane.. Esp by midday, at times things just doesnt make sense esp when there so much flying thru my mind..I just need a channel to be reminded…so One day i just decided to write the Word on these cups and realize Hey it seems like every sip i take, i am drinking of His word for me for the day… And is just part of me turning things ard to fun and sillyness =) Lord, so much i wanna say, but well i dunno how to even start here.. Prob soon i will, or maybe not… Peace, Shalom-ness, Stillness this is the Now Word for this week… Things You taught me in the couples of week..I dun even know where to began… But One thing i am ever sure is Lord, I so Need You Every New Day, in Every circumstance i am found in….. Shake and Burnt what-ever that is not of You Lord… That my Life shall reflect the Glory of Your goodness to Me =) Wont You Lead me…My Lord ?

Come Sway With Me Esther,
as i take Your hands in Mine and make You Rest Your head on Me….

What are you investing in today?
What are You believing in your heart today?
More specifically What isit you are investing in your heart today Esther?

Came across something that i tok abt last Nov:
Things around me are always fighting for my attention, and is up to me to give weight to whichever i choose…

A year later, i am still found asked by my Lord, what isit i am sowing in this heart of mine TODAY, Yes Today..Not just a phase or season, But the day itself..
Cause whatever i put in this heart today, it will spring forth..in days to come…

What am i giving my attention and prioritizing?
- Isit my own-self seeking agenda and selfish desire that i am prioritizing or Can i say Lord, let Whatever You put in this heart, shine for Your Glory..
and if so, what is taking root in my heart today?
- What am i giving weight and feeding it that enables to be an exhibit of His workmanship?
- How am i taking care or being a steward over this life He has given?

Indeed : “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” - Matt 6:21

Realize it say is your treasure (what i perceive as valuable) and not What the world or others perceive as it is, cause it varies for each of us, and there in different allocation, there will also our heart be…

Be it whether it is emotional investment, monetarily investment or time investment, i find Lord, You are slowly teaching and guiding me a whole new set of stuff that i have yet to comprehend fully and indeed I love and needed to let You lead me thru step by step..
Preparing my heart by sifting and receiving the necessary.

Woke Up Sunday Morning, asking Elohim:
Lord, will You ever give up on me and stop nudging me on what to do/not?
Because everytime i seem to not listen to You when you told me not to step into danger territories..and i who am mischievous and like to be taken to the edge, somehow venture off without Your nudging! And always found myself at the edge of the cliff having me crying out to You to Save me and pull me back..

Of course i know the theoretically correct answer..That You never will give up on me.
But Lord, how sweet are You, that during 2nd service, Your Living Word Hit Straight into my heart..Nuggets You drop Just for me out of pastor’s mouth..I dunno How somehow..and How You pointed out that to think after years of walking with You, Abraham wouldnt have lied or make the same mistake, he did before about Sarah…Yet again he failed You!

But You oh Lord, How gracious were You to turnaround the whole matter for his sake and pour your undeserve grace and mercy upon him to increase him!

And that Lord the entire week,
am just more and more convinced it doesn’t matter how many times i fail, how many times i seem to not handle things well, how many times i fall short and flip, IT really doesn’t matter!!!!!!

i Because at the end of the day, NO MATTER WHAT I DO, No matter how i fall short, no matter how i fail, I will NEVER get steer out of Your plan for me. Never! Ultimately i will reach the destination You have ordain…

And that enable me to recover from setbacks without much worries or pain..
Because Lord, Your tender mercies are Ever New every New Day..Thank You Lord…

Felt as if, This whole life journey has been set up by You….somehow no matter which turn, which route i take..You Lord, will cause me, my goodness and silliness to all prosper..Yes i know when man look on the outside, it might not be beautiful, even i think it is so unbelievably ugly on the flesh at times but God, You see me Perfect in Your eyes and know what is in heart..and just You and Me Lord..That all it matters

Lord, there no point investing in things that are just for a moment or an encounter..

For Lord, When is You building and charting out my life to be a garden of spring for Your glory and goodness, there will be a consistency of Your faithfulness..

Lord, let whatever seeds You sprinkle on this heart, grow, take root and BLOOM..
And in days to come, Not only shall the fruits satisfy Me but surrounding too..Amen.

Time alone with You.
After everything we’ve been through, After everything we’ve seen.
Time alone with you, It’s where You unfold Your mystery - Phil Joel / Time Alone

Thank You Lord,

for. . . Every mistake i make Lord.
for. . . the fact that i cant handle it well.
for. . . the fact that i think i totally lost it.
for. . . using situations to propel me to search for Your word to me.
for. . . coming So Quickly to affirm me and loving me back to wholeness.
for. . . making me feel so singled out to be loved in the midst of the crowd.
for. . . plp who loves and accept me despite all my silliness.
for. . . setting me up to pour out to mum about it and be comforted by her words.
for. . . assuring me that it is really MY Heart that matters! Not my flesh’s reaction.
for. . . letting me be found always running to You and Your feet.
for. . . making me so uniquely just me..yes including all the good and the bad.
for. . . meeting me where i am..Invaded Me And Molding me for Your usage.
for. . . Enlarging my Heart and Causing me to be more self-less.
for. . . putting in me a heart that so twine and beat with Yours as One.
for. . . giving me a Spirit and Heart of worship that myself don’t understand how i could trust upon You,
giving You good opinion, believing You’ll make a good testimony despite my silliness.

Last of all Thank You Lord,

for . . . the fact that i could even thank You, cometh from You.

Yes Lord, For Your Mercy are ever Fresh Every Morning..
That Elohim everyday is a brand New Day for You to Pour forth Your surprises unto Me.
What’s behind is Yesterday’s..Today’s a New Day and Every Day is a Day filled With With Your tender Mercy, Loving Kindness, upon My Life..Amen!

Indeed, In all i am Lord, again and again You reassure me is really my heart that matters and thou majority of times things might not appear the way it seem it is, it doesn’t matter coz at end day between Me and You Lord, You looketh at thy Heart, and You Know what is in it and that’s all it matters.

Yes..it doesnt matter even if my paddling feet was seen…hahaha. =)

**I love doing such post: the last time i did it was the I. . . . which i recently saw again and i love it! =)

Hmmm Started the day being busy with Your stuff..It felt so good Lord, to be doing this, to be brainstorming and using it like for your Purpose..I love it Lord, So alive in it..And I enjoy the people, The Learning. The Feeling of, Not been caught up with my own world/agenda seeking..but For something bigger than myself. =)

Thank You Lord, for such wonder journey, people You bring across my path, again You Surprise me more than i asked for..when actually it all began with a “Lord i wanna be so independent of plp ard and just wanting to do this with Just You and Me..Put me out there so raw having nothing n to be so dependent on You.”

Thou in the midst of discussion, early in the morning, i been pump with secular songs…that it kinda sips in abit, thou it didnt really distract me, cause Honestly i cant feel much anymore…but there is still a soft spot i got to say…and i guess it didnt help with me doing a bit of indulgent last night with the k-drama, esp after so long of not indulging in such stuff…But felt it was needful for you to mould some areas, and yet at the same time i know somehow it was planned nicely that i need to only catch the final 4 epi…I kinda find myself fighting and wanting to harden my heart towards it…

And it doesn’t help when i can still feel the danger at times…Lord let it not be something i wanna escape or even step back cause i think i dunno how to deal with it very well or just wanna run away from it..We been thru this before, yet i still can feel tiny jitters at times, i honestly dont like it…Lord remind me that You are my danger too…and because of that, You’ll keep me Protected and Covered In You and may my vulnerability be seen only at the right time and circumstances…

So much You explain to me thru out this few weeks, about praying for keeping pure..which initially i tot what a laughing matter that was, till You enlighten me about the importance of it and how is so not as what i think it was…The articles i been reading about self-control in guarding our tongues and words and How the most valuable time is actually In the moment of Stillness and Quietness, where i am just sharpening my Sword and keeping my heart and mind sound in You, and any moment, i could just slash accurately. I need not always be in a battle, for I dont wanna be name as a woman of war, just like King David, For You said, ‘A man of War cannot build You a house of Rest.’ Teach me Lord, continue to Train Me in this area.. Elohim You been so faithful to me..

Is Like another 2months Plus to the end of the year, God this year pass SO SO FAST. I Can hardly believe in..Lord there only one place i wanna be swelled..and that is My heart! Cause me to swell in the fullness of You and Joy Filled this heart..

That Lord, every smile can only be from inside out, thou i know there are times, i smile cause i know Esther just have to smile. Trusting and believing that it doesnt matter, because Abba, Only You have the Final Word in my Life..and Your heart towards me Is all it matters, and i know i can bank myself on You…Thru the Fire and Storm, through testing and shakings, You remain Unchanged, and Your Heart towards me are Ever Full of thot i will never seem to understand But Yet Rest assured that Is For my well-being.. =)

Thank You Lord…

And I will get lost into Your eyes,
And everything will be alright. - Storm / LifeHouse

Am not suppose to be blogging, yet You caught me once again the way You always do, see how beautiful and clear tonight sky was, the moon is full and bright..and it doesnt help with my background screaming ‘Starfied - I will go’ ..

I will go, I will goI will go, Lord send me
To the world, To the lost, To the poor and hungry
Take everything I am, I’m clay within your hands
I will go, I will go, send me…

My heart burning, You set me up again! somehow it must be tonight when You know how it will impact me the most to make me actually sit down and let You overwhelm me…Is just so You to set me up after the briefing, this song, the way You arrest me, Lord, Is so much bigger than myself..and I Love it, not saying is going be easy, infact it might be even hard on the flesh, but Lord, again You’ve taught me that I am just a steward over this body and the spirit in Me rules over this flesh….

I dont wanna be just confine in a “I am so blessed and I am happy at the way life is.” Yes, indeed, I thank God for all His blessing upon my life, His faithfulness, and His Tender Mercies and loving kindness..But God let me not be blinded to the world, to what’s happening in this world and be la-la ing in my little kingdom..

Lord, indeed Your goodness lead me to repentance..

Let the blessing You’ve poured out on me. Not be spent on me in vain. Let this life be used for change..

I am definitely not the most gifted, most well-versed, most able to organised person around..and Lord, i have learn to embraced that and see no wrong in that, caused You told me before: The area of my insecurities is the area of my Strength and the Strength that in Me is not my weakness…And God, I thank You i have no natural strength to relay on at all…

Lord i luf the fact that, my heart is so knitted to Yours, You IN me, and this temple of Yours is carrying Your presence, that Lord, i am just a radiator of Your Life flowing out, that somehow thru me it would exude out Your love and comfort, and bring the tangibleness and reality of You to plp…Purely a steward over this life/body You given..

Lord, let me never think is off me…For You are the gardener in Me, You are the one maintaining Me, You are the one, planting all the seeds in Me, that today Lord, In this season I could be a spring on the outside, for all to view the goodness of You over my Life, yet hibernation at heart, To REST till You awake this heart for even more good things to come and while during hibernation i will continue chewing on the food and Hibernate =)

I dunno how is going be like, yet again, I Luffffff how it thrills me in such uncertainties and scariness…Is exciting and thrilling cause I know, You are in this with Me and I am sure You will surprise me even more than i could ask off..somehow, I am very sure You set me up and capture me the way Only You can . =) What a journey of expedition and adventure!

And I know when i place Your agenda before mine, I am no longer caught up in my own world…And my Ever protective Father, Never want this Arrested.Invaded.Hibernated Heart to just be caught up in My own Blessed World but Lord,i really am a clay within Your hand, mold it Lord, Bring me to where You want me to Be, even if it means to the Edge with You Lord..

You have got me all covered:
Holyspirit In Me, Jesus right Beside Me, God’r Watching Over me - How Lovely Lord =)

I love this article, because it bears witness with what’s in my heart and the journey that He took to show me…
How beautiful it is to Love out the goodness of God as Spring =):
Living out my spring…

Really Lord, You are everything Good in my Life…

So many thots has been flying thru my mind..I been waiting and wanting to do this post..Yet somehow there wasnt a PERFECT timing feel and i think there never gonna be..Been thinking how to even put all this tots into words, yet all those thots seems to vanish into the air..somehow wat felt like a few days/hours ago, isnt the same as right now…

Is amazing how You ALWAYS never fail to awaken me to Your surprises..In this period of hibernation.somehow i just stumbled upon an article on Living out my spring…

How amazing Lord, that You want me to Live out spring while having hibernation at heart.

So much changes has been happening…so many thing seeds you have sown in this heart of mine..so many lessons you taught me thru out, from me telling you, i so still dont understand and You saying I dont need to understand….

Lord i felt You in me, building me up, strengthening me time and time again, wondering how i could even draw such strength to even encourage myself..but somehow i know in this new course of expedition, you’re training me up, taking me on a journey once again..

Much fun it was at previous base camp..but i know is time to moved on to next base camp..after knowing all the happenings, even surer you put in my heart, i need to dwell right here for this is my training ground..Thou i gonna miss time spend together but Thank you Lord for showing me not to take things for granted as if it is deem to be so…and somehow you have prepared me and i know well enough, without change there wont be accelerated growth..And it seems like again you set everything up just for me to be totally dependent on You again the desire to even go out to see what you are doing rather than just confine in my own world, and putting myself so raw out there..and to knowing is time for training, to have another kind of fun, that Lord built me so up in Your word.

Thank You Lord, You didnt let me whine for long, somehow You open my eyes and this heart that you have Arrested.Invaded.Hibernated..cant NOT submit to You…How you reminded me, this body of mine, is not even mine to began with, that i am just a steward over it..who am i say i wanna enjoy earthly pleasure more than learning to prioritize Your word, to be mentored over somehow, which was something i always wanted..and Knowing how your heart is towards me makes me wanna give my all to You even more.

Remember you told me earlier in the year, You going bring me to a place when i look back it know it can only be You..and i know it shall come to past =) Thank You Lord, for even the opportunity to fall and fail, cause i taste such sweetness, such strength you cover me with in the midst of it and your reality being manifested in Me thru the falls and thru the times i fail. I so had learn not to be ashamed of all this times, for it had make me who i am today and Now.

Felt like is time to step back again..Have i unconsciously venture off without You? Or maybe is just me feeling i wanna step back but either way, it can only be good!
For in my heart of hearts, i know You are RIGHT HERE with Me..If You dont fight my battle for me, Why should i , or Who am i to say i wanna fight..
Duhz right.. So Esther, step back as much as you don’t feel like dont be mischievous..=)

I try to be so tough, But I’m just not strong enough
I can’t do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me - Savior Please.

Every Song i hear, Words that i read, Whisper you put spoken into my heart..
Lord Your fingerprints in my life, CANNOT be Denied!

I love how You seem to bring the right songs, JUST for ME..and oh Lord, somehow i felt i wanna learn to write better, wanna write songs to You, wanna do things i never thot i could do for You..I guess that just a responsive act of how i wanna show my love to You Lord, thou is nothing compared to what You Poured out to me =)

I know once i finish off with this post, Is going be a close chapter for this..after all i did pray for all this to happen, and yeap is time to move on to greater things installed, and Praise the Lord, indeed is a new start, cause I finally color my hair again and i am on High cause i like it! Think the last time i say i love my hair color was 3 years ago man! Goodness, i have tone down so much since then…and yeap for a change this time round, i did not go for my usual red…

Hmm i actually am holding back alot compared to penning down my thots…and i dont really like it..
Oh well Lord, so long when i look back months down the road, i know exactly what i am toking abt here can already =) And i just realized how wrong i am, when i tot i was so prepared and ready…
Esther Esther, so much room for growth! =)

Here I am, Lord send me. Somehow my story, Is part of your plan.I know that you will finish what you began. These broken parts you redeem. Become the song, that I can sing…. http://downhere.com/

How it caught me that somehow my story is really part of your plan, and the broken parts you redeem become a song i can sing..Lord i so can identify with it..

To realize my story is part of your plan has really gives me the freedom to be me, to be free to fail, to Dare to Trust and Bank myself upon You..cause no matter what, i will never slip out from Your hand and Your will in my Life…

And with that trusting on Him, i can dare take all i am and all that i am going thru and say to Him :

“”Lord, make a good testimony out of it…no matter how long it take, as long as at the end of the day, it glorifies You and it set people free…Lord use my lifestory ba!”

Lord i really love how i am found just dwelling Right here with You, Dwelling in Your loving-kindness that Preserve me…Cause where i am is where i need to be and i honstely believe that my every step and every positioning is His orchestration then with that my heart cant help but only Be at Rest..is just so Free-ing…

Anyway..something i notice abt myself this week:
I realize i have learn to put myself in a position where i can just enjoy the present, the NOW and grab the max learning and enjoyment out of it, despite whether i like it or not in the first place.

What happen was, on Monday night..a couple of my woolies went to catch Mamma Mia! So i was still dragging myself there even till the very last moment..It didnt help that it was Monday, i wanna Rest and plus it was a show i NEVER wanna catch..is just not my kind..But purely i went cause as woolies at times we need to just do sheepy stuff together..like rolling in pasture together..=) sooo there i was..

But once the show begin, i found myself getting excited over it, I dunno how but somehow something inside of me begin to tune to exactly where i am and started to enjoy it and hype over it and begin to see myself in the show….and at that very moment i was very amazed at myself, like Lord, seriously is this what you call enjoying my every moment adapting myself to circumstance and environment to draw out the best of it..i guess it was so And best part was, goodness gracious..i was letting my tears flow in the midst of the show, it was really flowing and i didnt even bother trying to keep it from flowing…i learn it was really okie to cry over such stuff, to let that part of a girl manifest, especially when daddyGod just used it to speak so close to what’s on heart…and it helps turning ard seeing the rest of the woolies sobbing too! And see that’s what i meant by rolling in pasture together =)

Next was, my heels got worn out, thus i need to get a new replacement..so went back to the same shop, hoping to get a new pair but i end up getting back the exact same old pair..I realize that i am actually quite plain..Like it really doesnt matter to me how many different pairs i have or if is boring i keep wearing the same thing, i honestly dun really care so long as He make me look good…cause at end of day, i just need that 1 pair…a pair that makes you feel that wearing that fit you can walk ard the world with confidence and in it you can conquer anything that’s coming your way..and i remember how i once talk about this before and am glad that after all this years, my stand still stands the way i see such stuff..

It’s been a while since i last embark on a new land conquering expedition with Him in terms of work..It was so satisfying on Thursday evening, and on Friday Morning i culdnt wait to get to work, to get things done..I love it and I miss that spirit inside me! This is Exactly what it means to be truly enjoy my work and the gifting He placed in me..There was so much Life, not cause i know how to do stuff, but on the contrary I enjoy going thru solving it with You Lord..To see the giants slayed and bugs killed hahah i love it!

Thank You Lord, I love partnering with You on this battlefield once again =)

Together Lord, Just as You have promised:
We shall invade new lands and soar thru greater heights! Amen!

After what seems like a super long day from the depth of my heart i was again dwelling in His Rest, and again out of my mouth came “Thank you Lord really for soundness of mind, for it is MINE!” I am glad the day ended with thanksgiving, thou it started to what seems like not much soundness.

On my way back home, i was just waiting for cab..one pass by i didnt really wanna run for it..in my heart i just say Lord, is okie if i miss it, cause i know you bring more on the way..

As i was waiting, a song just arose in my spirit and i just start singing:

What a day, and when i mean what a day, trust me i really had A DAY…

First thing in the morning already was humbled and felt a little correction by my King…I was on the train, whining to Him about stuff and flashing the day thru my mind abt having to impart my work..and all i can say was Lord, work in me what needs to be work out, so i can naturally bring it out…

In the midst of my penning, i saw this lady came in the train sitting right opposite me..she looks scary, like really scary and alienated, totally red all over wif peels and spots, and i really meant from head to toe, every part of her was like that…surely she is suffering from some skin disease…there and then i was really scared (seriously) and humbled..

i wonder how she would have felt, and how isit for her having to come out to public..and Here i am, not to worship, but Here i am, too caught up with my own world, with my own problems..what are all this i am worried about compared to hers, what is my self-consciousness compared to hers? If i get tense or worried abt the way i appear, gosh what would have been like for her?

Lord..once again felt so corrected, tears just filled my eyes and immediately, i feel so small again, and i honestly like it that way..like nothing matters…an i am just me, so small yet You care about every little single detail abt me in this majestic world. Felt bad that He has to use her to humble me, but well what can i do but thank Him for His mercy towards me…wanted to go pass her pastor sermon, but well i didnt, somehow thru those scary eyes, she was still able to smile..i dun even dare to look honestly.

I know what has to pass will pass, and i glad, i pulled thru the day wif Him, surely it wasnt easy..but well my King really make me so awe by Him…Look out to the skies, it was a beautiful day with stars shining brightly and clouds cleared in patches for me..Sweet Lord.

Again it was just a mere tot in my mind, hmm like recently i haven been reading or coming across interesting stuff…and yet as i was searching for some artist, somehow i discover a new artist and gosh love her singing..and somehow i happen to chance upon this site: Prodigal Son Magazine Dangerous One..

Haha, got me excited and haha really it brings hope man…to know that it exist in everyone of them and they just have to let them out. Hahahah and i think is quite an interesting site for the guys..oh well no harm for me reading too..

**Tmw shall be another day full of His gracious pour outs to me..

Thank You Lord, for all that is placed on the route to destination..
It might not be easy and always cruising but is thru all these that Your reality in Me is magnified and that my heart is warmth..

It’s not about me, As if You should do things my way….
Is really for Your Glory and Your Fame Lord…. - [Jesus,Lover of My Soul / Passion]

“And I’ll take this heart and do a new thing, a good thing to it…”

Then and there such warmness fills my this heart..You promise in your word, :
It shall spring forth and i shall know it. A Road in the wilderness You will make, a river in the desert You will spring forth. And above all, before they spring forth, You will tell me of them. Lord, is beautiful how You even will let me have a peek and glimpse of it before it even spring forth…

I luf how it say: When God does a new thing, it doesn’t mean He never done it before. It can mean from one place to another. From Strength to Strength, Faith to Faith, Glory to Glory, not just dwelling on the current..

Thou former mercy must not be forgotten, fresh mercy must be improve in a special manner. New promise which will CERTAINLY Be fulfilled just as the old, New Favor He will pour, which is better than the former favor!.

I simply love it, is like specially improved version of what we currently have, esp when we are enjoying the NOW to the max, and He going bring the NOW to another higher level, doesn’t exactly need to be a NEW NEW thing, yet it will spring forth as if it was a surprise upon me..

At times i’m so afraid i become too professional with You Lord, that my journey with You get mundane. I bet you prob just laugh at the silliest thing i worry about, as if I forget who exactly you are to be worry over such stuff as if you Lord, cant keep me..haha. Still, once again you proven to me on one of the most interesting adventure and told me “Your love has no bound and ask me not to limit You to my confine thinking..”

“Is not going to be mundane, Always it be Fresh and New to you Esther.
And together we are on this road.
I never will run out of ideas to make it special and fresh for you..
Be prepared to be Surprise.”

You not only whisper that to me in the chamber of intimacy, but on the way, there already you show me a word in the cloud, just that i didnt know how read it, till i later found out how beautiful you have piece everything together for me…

Indeed You really perfected and tailor my expedition with You, making every moment special on its own..
Every moment/time spend with You Lord, are never wasted or lost, and i know the immediate results of that is chains are broken in the spiritual realm. =)

Recently, daddyGod put in my heart to not settle being just a good thing…
But rather Lord, make me the exceeding abundantly above all “the good thing”.

Babes, you dont wanna just be a good thing somebody ask for, but may he be in awed that indeed you are the Exceeding Abundantly above all he could asked for rather than, hmm yeah ’she a good thing’..and yeap vice-versa =)

Indeed Exceedingly Abundantly above all…I cant believe it..
Lord, again You really exceeded my expectation at work, will in due time i shall testify soonz…

They say life, is a highway and no one knows what’s around the bend
An adventure is waiting let’s set out and discover it….
Oh the mountains, through valleys. We’ll be taking in the highs and lows
It’s the journey of a lifetime, only God knows where it goes - [This Road / Warren Barfield]

Is this the stillness and peace after the cyclone in me?

Weeks earlier You told me to “Be still and Know that I am God.” i took it with, a yeah i know the “Be Still attitude” and just brush it off. Could this emotionless stage in the midst of all the changes be what you talking about? Is kinda weird that i am not hype or excited as like normal, neither am i able to feel the sadness the way i want to…

Lord, whatever You doing, be it a spur on the inside that seem never ending stirring to such calmness..It can only be good, It can only be from Strength to Strength and Glory to Glory..
You said
“I take this heart of yours, and do A NEW THING.”
Lord, what can i do but entrust my whole being unto your molding..

The journey i took this quarter was definitely one that was filled with dependency on You, cause it was a whole new level of challenge by itself and filled with lessons that are so closed to heart…

Small things you put in my heart has more or less confirm itself..as You lead me by Your spirit, it seems like how things just got link up and confirm by itself. From pestering You with questions, to You revealing to me, and asking me to not awaken it, to me confuse abt it, to me taking the boldness to pray for doors to close (for clarity purpose), it has all happen. And if Your word for me is, You are still preparing the other than let me hold fast to Your word to just hibernate till YOUR preparation is done…

Words prayed over my life during camp was a total Hit with what You put in this heart of mine and Above all else, i am more than ever assured by Your goodness to Me… All this while, i heard You Lord, but sometimes Esther just wanna be mischievous to refuse to acknowledge till further assurance or confirmation has been given…and Yet You been so loving to me.. =)

In this coming quarters, for the first time in a while i felt a tiny sense of excitement at what’s coming up..in just wanting to continue armor-bearing uncle Mordecai and growth. Lord, explode and increase me…

I wanna continue this expedition with You!
Willingly I’ll lay aside all my agendas and desires, that’s it Lord,You alone are my Vindicator for every area..

The picture you paint me, precious as it is and indeed at end of day thou strength is IN me, only thru You can my true self be shown and appear vulnerable…Lord i dont even have to or wanna try. Cause Honestly, I love the way You fashion me and make me just me and i am not ashamed to say that.

“The area of my insecurities is the area of my Strength and the Strength that in Me is not my weakness..” - i just Love it la.

Haha am excited, cause now that it seems to be closed, i wonder how He will work things out…So lets see How it goes..exciting quarter coming out. I looking forward to see MORE of You in Every small step of this expedition….

I know i haven blogged for a while, So many things has happen since then…Well no doubt my journey wif my King has been great and exciting…

In a few hours time i be going for my FIRST camp, after which seems like so long..and DaddyGod has been very faithful in preparing me for the camp..everything is Divinely arranged..somehow..Your reality has been so real to me all this while, but still i ask Lord empty me, that i will be filled FRESH knowing i going with an measureless expectation for You to fill…Finally the day we all been waiting for has sorta arrived, i sure many of us has all kinds of different expectation and emotions right now…

Funnily as i was packing, i dun feel like super excited, all seems very calm and cool..i wonder where have all the zeal and hyper-ness went…Maybe yet this is another level of emotional stability..arent sure..

My heart has been burning so much recently, literally felt the warmness of it. So many things Lord you are doing, and promise to do Lord, i cant wait to see the manifestation of it as you slowly unveil What you wanna fulfill in my life…Help me fulfill what you wanna work in Me, cause Lord, honestly at times i just cant see where you bringing me to…
But i do know one thing, is that Lord so long as my eyes are fixed on You, You lead me, You carry me and flow me to destination, all i need to do, is to be lost in Your eyes and letting the assurance of your warmness keep me.

Looking back in the past few months, i see You strengthen me SO SO MUCH, beyond what i could have imagine and expect..Tough battles at time, but the victory has always been ever so refreshing and sweet, that i Praise You Lord, that we had to go thru those routes. =)

Never once have i look back and wish i had done things different so i can avoid this or that, cause every moment i went thru Lord, it only helps me create such dependency with You, giving You the opportunity again and again to prove How much i meant to You..and Indeed when i create opportunity for You Lord, You always honor what i give You by giving me much more back.

So loved while mum and sister prayed over me just now…Thank You sis for speaking over my life , and i know every blessing spoken forth was really the Spirit..After which i realize everytime mum prayed she likes to say : “Father, guide her and be with her.”

Which is something every since young it has been spoken over my life whenever she pray for me..nothing profound but the simplicity of it has really manifest in my life…that Lord till now, i know why in everything i do, You always here to guide me and always here with me..and i know is not Me who make a consciouses effort but somehow it was grace gift that was in me..it was cause that has always been mum prayer and speaking over my life..that You guide me and Be with me.

And yeap she end of the prayer with something surprising to me…cause i didnt even say anything to her as of yet…Lord, No denial a revival You shall do in this household. =)

Right, Abba Be go good to me…a new thing Lord..it can only be from glory to glory!
Set up surprises for me during the camp Lord…Cause me to see You to the detail of every small happenings..

As it is decreed, Favor be upon the Me Lord, simply cause Lord:
I’m Esther, Your Delight,the One whom You always shining your smile upon…Amen!

Keep me Here Lord, Right Where IN You, Cause really there no where else i rather Be…

Can i just indulge for a while Lord…Cant even remember the last time i had a self-indulgent post…

Is funny how i had my 12hours of sleep and part of me still didnt really wanna wake up….Earlier in the week was thinking i shld find time to clean up my room..and somehow without planning, today happen to be the day..

As i was looking thru some of my lectures notes, still feel like i shld keep it there longer. Somehow i realize this notes seems precious to me, maybe someday it might come to good use n is easy to understand or maybe is just something i just cant bear to part with coz is part of me?..I dunno..So no matter how i clear, it just seem like there arent enuff space for me.. Oh well…

After which it feels like there a need to let the energy burst forth like..i wanna blade but i figured out is prob too crowded today or maybe it not so much of blading blading itself, but the process n enjoyment that i have with my King, the simple joy of enjoyment i had with Him on Wed was just WAO…

I know things has changed, and it was great yesterday…praise God that i finally did what was on my heart for a while which as usual seems foolish to me not just initially even till the very moment it self..but oh well..whatever la, Lord i know only good can come out of this..for is You whom i trust and not how much i can identify…

Hmm more or less, i know what i am confused and causing myself to be in doubt about today and partly cause of it, i didnt really wanna wake up and think it thru….I cant term it as correction cause is more like an advice…and a part of me wanted to make it into a rule and put those advice to test simply to see if it produces more fruits, but i know if i do it with that attitude, instead of more life, there be ABSOLUTELY no Life in return…

Whatever isit Lord, You have to clearly peace it out for me and work it out for me..If is really You who is leading me and guiding me in ALL my ways, then Lord be my Help..Show Yourself true in Me…I really believe i am walking on so tight with You, yet what i tot was expanding and finding out cause of the desire to know more might deem as limiting myself…Argh Lord i need your insight to handle this…

I need You to clean this house of Yours…Remove whatever need to be removed so i can be filled with The New Thing You said You wont stop doing till is completed in Me. Daddy renovate this house of Yours..At the end of the day, Is really You that matters, your opinion and You and You alone..and I know very well, You will turn my heart without me turning it into a rule if have to..

haha think this is such an apt song..i heard it just today,toking abt Clean this old house and it feel like chaos…Lord You always making me discover new stuff somehow..

Whatever You’re doing inside of me, It feels like chaos somehow there peace but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me, Larger than life something Heavenly

It’s time to face up.
Clean this old house
Time *to* breathe in and let everything out - Sanctus Real - Whatever You’re Doing

***17th Aug 23:30PM
Lord, somehow I believe You Have cleared up the confusion and doubts. =) Cause yeap am more sure of now after today’s service! Haha! Fast Lord i like it! Yeah!

If there is anything i could boast of Lord, is really the way filled the pages in between the book of my life with your love towards Me.

Amazing God..You smitten me by chasing after me then arresting me at where i am into a Love Expedition with You. One where you manifest yourself so sweet towards me like never before, the more we commune, the more i want more of You..making me so “singled-out to be loved by You.” and loving me the way i cant resist…

Thou at times You kinda make me wait and unsure of what’s going on..Yet at times You cause be bubbling in excitement and to tremble in awe(literally too!) by Your goodness towards Me.
Lord, tt’s soooo Dangerous, yet when i just dwell with You,there’s such safety..

Never would i have wished that this SPECIAL love Expedition was earlier, nor latter. Because Everything is make beautiful in Your time and as of now, this is a special manifestation You giving me..Not that the previous wasn’t special, nor the future as special, but as of now, this is the gold i see and it sparkle the most…and Never would i have dream of us having such intimacy.

If this “Special Love-Expedition“ with You was to manifest itself earlier, i wouldn’t have appreciate and tasted the fullness of it…
Lord only You, my King know exactly at which base camp do i need a special dose from You.

And You lead me thru all this for one purpose:
“So i cant help but run towards You, speaking to You, Your language of Love.”
Wanting to keep being with You, Expressing myself towards You…and cant help but declare Your goodness to Me…

I always sing : “Over the mountains and the sea, Your river runs with love for me..“

As i sing i always see in my mind, a river that flows with love that’s never ending, and i am just there to consume, to drink of it..Is a flow, and a flow is never ending!

Just this morning as i was buying breakfast, i was singing:
“Oh I feel like dancing, It’s foolishness I know…“

I know exactly what it mean by is foolishness I know, the crazy things i do with You, things that don’t seem to make sense but still i cant help but choose to do it cause i honor You. Lord, is foolishness, is CRAZY man!

But well, You know what matters to me, and so You wanna be part of It and Again You put in me the desire to make You part of it!

Moments ago,just as i was singing:
“And I will daily lift my hands, For I will always sing of when Your love came down“

New thots came and i know
those words that proceed from my mouth are never the same as before again!! Cause, i realize Hey Lord, i could really sing of it forever! And I know exactly what it means, cause Lord Your love really came down just for Me, i really tasted it and still drinking of it!!

You really have enlarged me Lord..
This “Love Expedition” You taking me thru has really strengthen me and set me on High…
In the midst of the expedition, Did my heart fail?
Like Duhz, Of course, countless time i believe and i glad it did, so i know God is still God and Esther is just Esther…

Lord , each time my heart fail, You never fail to pick me where i am, and embrace me to continue this Expedition with You, leading me in Your mighty hands once again…Tender yet valiantly mighty…Each time i ask You to be my Help, You come coming for me…:)

Lord, keep me mindful of Your mercy towards me...
Is really Your mercy towards Me, that You so loved me and brought me so far in this “Love Expedition” with You….

Oh how i endeavored to hear more of the still small voice within..You know the times i “WHISPER” and Whine to You, and I love How in return You whisper words of affirmation to me..things concerning Your heart desire and the slowly unfolding the steps You directing me to and keeping me surprised along the way…
Lord…………(in the Esther’s tone)

My Life is a worship, Unto You Lord and You and I both Love it..
Bring me to greater heights in this expedition with You Lord.

** i shall store the “a new thing” till the nxt time!

It was beautiful, i didnt expect it..The shape of and color of the moon crescent today, is none like wat i seen normally..I glad somehow we do it again Lord today, impromptu..The wind was so strong that i had to go against it pushing myself, felt as if i were going against it just to worship, just to seek You ..i love it the challenge somehow…Cloudy as it was, the stars still was as bright if i was just willing to look for it a little longer…Looking at how fierce the wind and waves were makes me tot of the cyclone thing i tok..

I love how it was quiet and there wasnt many plp..Initially i felt it was crazy for me to do this tonight plus i just did it a couple days ago! Is Monday Lord, i suppose to REST…but i dunno why i still went ahead…

There, i told You that, if i got to be radical so be it then, even if at this point of time it doesnt make sense to me at all, it doesnt matter, You see my heart behind it..and Lord all i want is just to tithe what belongs to You..

And the only reason why i did what i did and how i can do what i do, was purely cause
i honour You Lord and is all for You..
and truth is the fact that i could honour You also actually comes from You too…

Again humbled and awed by How you fashion my heart towards You, how You put such spirit in me, that sometimes i myself dont understand…Seriously, i could just comfortably sit there and just worship and be loved..but Lord, again i wanna do crazy thing with You, just with You Lord…

Honestly i was Very scared but still i know i wanna do it with You..and Oh Lord, i will never forget how it felt, how while going down, the tangibleness of You IN Me, the words coming out of my mouth was just “Thank You Lord…” all the way even in the midst where seem to be losing control, till i safely come to a stop..It was a SO SATISFYING, Thank You Lord…We did it!A kinda feeling i honestly dunno how to describe..That is purely just between You and Me..and i know You enjoy that as well as i did with You =)

What can i say Lord, but You really have been unfairly good to me….
Yes, How you carry me in Your flow..gosh Lord, i didnt know those new spurring desire of wanting to know more abt worship is so inline..The way you use Isaiah 43 to speak to me today, abt the new thing..Lord, take me deeper with You, Deeper then i ever been before..

I just glad that with my heart, i am able to honour you..and is All for You.

And Lord, You indeed honor those who honor You…cause on my way back, i look at the mirror, i myself was shock, i didnt look tired at all! Infact, there a glow, i look at me, i say it can Only birth forth from the sweetness of my King….coz is a kinda glow that Esther CANT produce, is really a sweet radiance(n pls i dun think of myself like tt 99% of the time)..cause clearly i know Only my King is capable to bring out such countenance

You make me wanting for nothing. You fill my hunger, with honey from your sweet sweet word!

Yes, You have! Arrested and Invaded my heart.
You’ve wiped away the stains, And broke away the chains.
And You put a new thing inside of me! Yes, You have!!
And This is all for You Lord, Yes, is all for You…

Felt like there a Cyclone going on the inside of me…is spurring and stirring…
Lord i dunno what this is leading to…But i know in the midst of all this stirring, You are Here with Me, again another opportunity for me to seek Your consul and expecting you to insight-ify me. haha

Lord so many things you put in my heart recently as i just flow with you, yet unsure abt putting it to words…

Still remember earlier this month, i took a moment to pause and thank You that You made me a worshiper and asked You to assure me and say of me that “ you take delight and enjoy my worship to you.” the very next moment, as i flip the page across the book. it states:
“My worship set a ‘love entrapment’ for Him, and this kinda passionate worship is His delight.”
oh Lord, Your delight, that is Me, How i love the way you seem to answer me faster nowday..

I love, LOVE , how you made me to be a worshiper, You called me to be a worshiper. Really if there any one purpose in my life is to be a Worshiper! To me, Battle cry is like frontline worship in a war and worshipers are the frontline warriors!

Is amazing how if i were to open my eyes i will have peep into the spiritual realm and how the army of worshippers is at the frontline lifting up their battle cry throwing the enemies with the finish work of the cross, and how it brought forth victory.

Gone are the days where worshippers are crying out at the frontline pleading for His hand to bring forth victory..
we now stand tall, bold, strong cloth in righteousness, with a sense of identity in knowing who and whose we are, and throwing across the line shouts of victories that has been won and bought by Christ Himself..
Lord you are my weapon, my cry, and MY VICTORY!

With the high praises of God in our mouth, we will execute upon His enemies the judgment written! - Psalm 149

How cool and interesting i feel, that we are using the main reason of Satan existence(chief angel of worship) in the beginning to bring him down,reminding him of his own fall and throwing in his face the Finish work of Jesus..To me it thrills me to go for the offensive, instead of just lay back status quo, i wanna step forward be in the frontline of the frontliners! Worshiping more and more with no sense of fear!

I dun wanna be just a worshiper..Let it be known of me that

Esther, Worship Warrior of The King of Kings!

The other day, i asked You to make me a prayerful woman, come to think of it, prob prayer might be part of worship…i believe so at least..

The word “Awaken to His love” sticks hard on me!
you told me to hibernate, so i can “Awaken to Your love..” Lord, you really are something! zzzzz

If you are a true worshiper, your spirit will exude worship to God no matter what battle you are fighting. In warfare, worship creates a wall of fire around the soul. No matter what befalls a worshiper, the valley of weeping will always becomes a spring covered with blessings! - Francis Frangipane

**Anyway i was started the post going to tok abt other stuff, but i dunno how come in the midst of it, the worship thing inside me arose..oh well Lord, we shall bring this off topic..

Worship warrior, that’s ME, whom You takes delight in and is Pleasing to You…

I miss seeing this honestly so much…I used to have it on my gigantic toilet mirror previously in my apt..I simply just love it.. Been wanting to do it ever since i came back, but in a blink of an eye 2years has passed and i still have yet too…

The other day i came back home frm work earlier and no-one was ard, and i start bursting into a song n was free to be myself without restrain and i love it…it so reminds me of the times i were back in melb whenever i return back to my “all by myself” apt and yet knowing i am not by myself..is a kinda solitude that i enjoy…

Anyway i finally got it UP yesterday, was determine to do it and decided to push aside the fear of mum nagging my room got even messier with me sticking stuff around..So up it went! Where else can it be better than beside my strawberry mirror..i love it..Really..

i like how when trouble seems to sip in, i can just run to it and look at the mirror n point at every word telling my heart, dun be troubled! Really worries had to get out, the moment i filled my mouth with His words to me.

I dun exactly NEED many verses ard, One thing above all else to me is not letting my heart get troubled, cause out of it SPRING issues of life, is really the Inside Peace that matters..:)

The Lord really has been very sweet…i was just walking home and wondering How come Lord today even i got to work late i am still full of life and enjoy, despite the super tense rushed noon i had. It has been a while since i got to work late, but somehow there really abundant grace and peace..felt like good is coming along the way, yeap all the while i am consciouses of that(of course we are so well taught) but to literally feel it and have the warmness of it my heart is another thing, and it been a while since back =)

Anyway, as i switch on my room light, look at “my verse” and read the small Esther’s Psalm on boldness i just smilez…As i turn towards my table i saw the new JMM mag, and as i turn it ard i was like WAO Lord!… it shows tis pix: exactly what i love , and said i am called to be bold!

Today verse that speaks to me:
Psalm 33:15/18 - “He fashion My heart individually; and His eyes are on Me who fear(worship) Him and who wait for Him and hope in His mercy and loving-kindness!”

How sweet Lord, You always keep me flowing with You and luf surprising me with Your assurance.

And i know Lord you have love me with a special kind of Love, the kind only You can, and Only tailored specially for Me and caused me to fall again and again at your tenderness.